Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Mailbag Part Deux
By SG2.0
Thanks to all for the overwhelming mailbag responses these past couple days. With so many questions I had to actually “extend the bag” a couple more days.
I would also like to declare that I am once again answering Celtics-related questions. After approximately 11 days of Lohan-like therapy, we’re prepared to move forward here…at least until the first relapse which I predict will occur
this Saturday when ESPN Classic shows old Celtics clips during its annual NBA Finals marathon.
Until then, let’s see if I can remain sober enough to answer some mail:
Q: As a self-proclaimed band wagon jumper in regards to TV shows, where does “The Sopranos” rank in the all-time annals? After this past Sunday, and with so many unanswered questions heading into the series finale, I’m ready to coronate it.
- Jon, Newburyport, MA
SG2.0: I jumped on the Sopranos wagon WAY too late to call myself a die hard fan. But after watching the ENTIRE series in the past two years via DVD, I am willing to say that I have never felt this way about a TV show before.
In fact, at this point, it is no longer a TV show. It is the greatest movie ever, drawn out over nearly a decade (although the series would sporatically take a year and a half hiatus to piss off viewers/make them crave more, and it worked to perfection).
If you asked me that loaded question a year ago, I would automatically say “Seinfeld” because I am nothing more than a pop culture puppet that is trained to say that. That and “Seinfeld” was friggin' awesome.
Being 25 years old, I am too young to remember M*A*S*H* (although judging by re-runs it seems pretty boring) and I can’t remember too many hit shows in the ‘80s, like Cheers (At the time I had a strange infatuation with the show “Newhart”).
But leaving Larry, Daryl and his other brother Daryl out of this, here is my Top 10 TV Show list, based on what I remember and/or what I wish I could remember:
1. The Sopranos
2. Seinfeld
3. The Rick Pitino Show w/ Bob Lobel
4. WWF Monday Night Raw
5. Saturday Night Live
6. Double Dare w/ host Marc Summers
7. Singled Out w/ Jenny McCarthy and Chris Hardwick
8. Thundercats
9. Family Guy
10. WCW Monday Nitro
Honorable mention: Pee Wee’s Playhouse, WWF Superstars, American Gladiators
Q: On Sunday night, what do you think the over/under was for sophomoric jokes made across the United States regarding the ESPN bottom line scroll that read, “Yankees GM Brian Cashman announces Roger Clemens (FATIGUED GROIN) out for Monday’s game at White Sox?”
- Scott, Carlsbad, CA
SG2.0: I’ll go with an over/under of 1,283,394 and take the over. Apparently his weekend with Debbie went extremely well. Enough so that they are planning to add another “K” to the Clemens Klan in about nine months. If it’s a girl, I heard they’re thinking about going with the name “Kunt.”
Q: We spent the last 6 months thinking that the worse that we could do in the draft was get Durant. I personally think Oden is going to end up more of a Robert Parish type and less of a Tim Duncan. Although it’s a damn shame Oden won't get to wear #0 for the C's (no offense Waltah).
Anyways, I know it doesn't matter now for 99% of us, but if you have this year’s #1 overall, who do you take?
- Jay, Chapel Hill, NC
SG2.0: That’s been the great debate since December, but I think the answer is actually staring us in the face right now. Ironically, we just have to watch the NBA Finals to find out (No I did not get paid off by ABC to write the previous sentence).
Let’s just say, for argument sake, Oden will be the next Duncan. Now let’s say, Durant will be the next LeBron (LeBron’s obviously a better passer, but bear with me).
The old school scenario tells you that great big men ALWAYS win. Guys like Shaq and Duncan win championships.
Guys like Dirk and McGrady don’t.
Barring some miracle performance by LeBron (which at this point ISN’T out of the question), I think you ALWAYS take the big man.
Great big men only come around every 15 years. “The next Michael Jordans” of the world come around every 4-5 years and never truly live up to that champioinship stature.
Unless LeBron can prove me wrong in the next couple of weeks, I think you always take a “risk” with a dominant big man.
And I don’t think Robert Parish had Oden-like moves coming out of Centenary.
Go with Oden.
Q: Jack Kevorkian, the retired pathologist dubbed “Dr. Death,” after claiming he had participated in at least 130 assisted suicides, left prison after eight years Friday, still believing people have the right to die whenever they please.
After the Celtics lottery fiasco, I am sure he will be back in business in San Diego for number 131.
What can Danny Ainge possibly do to prevent the injection?
- Dennis, San Diego
SG2.0: Well considering I’ve had numerous suicide attempts already since the proceedings of 5/22/07, I’ll save Dr. Jack the trip.
I can do it myself, thank you very much.
Nothing that a flight of stairs and a coat-hanger can't cure (sorry, that line really only applies for abortions, but I absolutely LOVE to use it whenever remotely possible).
Anyways, I believe there are only two options right now for Senor Ainge.
Option 1: Give up the farm for either Kevin Garnett or Jermaine O’Neal and see what one of them could do next to Pierce. This isn’t a very good long-term investment, but at this point, I’m willing to give it a go for two or three years in a weak Eastern Conference.
A package of Theo Ratliff's contract, Wally Szczerbiak’s contract, Gerald Green, this year’s No. 5 pick and a future first rounder would be inticing for any team, mostly because of the expiring contracts and a chance to get out from under salary cap hell.
If they ask for Al Jefferson, however, hang up the phone.
Option 2: If you can’t get a blockbuster deal done while keeping Pierce and Jefferson, then I think it’s time to do the dirtiest of deeds.
That would be trading Mr. Pierce.
As great as he has been for the Celtics, keeping him around even longer in this rebuilding atmosphere would guarantee the Celtics to be stuck in mediocrity (once again) for the next two to three years.
This is an extremely deep draft and if you could move Pierce, you could ultimately get several, very good young players in return.
Pair a bunch of talented guys from this draft next to Big Al and Rondo and that’s a group you can grow with.
Having said that, I really and truly hope they can somehow pull off Option #1. Option #2 would put them right back in the lottery for the next few years, and by now we all know how well that slime fest in Secaucus goes for the C’s.
David Stern would give us a non-stop supply of No. 5 and No. 6 overall picks and we would quickly become the Atlanta Hawks (not that we're much worse at this point) ... on second thought, what’s Dr. Jack’s number again?
Q: What is the Great Khali made of?
- Chris, Storrs, CT
SG2.0: Spit, bad vocal chords, backne (back acne) and women’s underwear.
Q: With Bob Barker ready to call it a career, who is your choice to replace the legend?
- Gary, Albany, NY
SG2.0: If they even THINK about giving this gig to Rosie for .2 seconds I will personally dig up the corpse of Rod Roddy and turn him like a rotisserie chicken in front of a large audience of people, just to show everyone that he is, indeed, turning in his grave.
I mean, to have Rosie O'Donnell replace Bob Barker would be the biggest tradgedy in television, if not American, history.
I like my Price Is Right hosts tan, old, having a fabulous golf game, having a voice you could melt butter with and willing to have sex with any woman, at any time.
Rosie doesn’t fit any of those requirements … other than the last one, of course.
In summary, my personal nominees for the position would have to be Michael Buffer, Rob Lowe and Hasselhoff sans hamburger, in no particular order.
Q: Did you happen to see Wade Boggs on Monday Night Raw this past Monday? What the hell was that?
- Ben, Tampa, FL
SG2.0: Not only did I see him (he was wearing a bright orange, Hawaiian shirt), but I noticed three remarkable things:
1. He was absolutely drunk off his ass. His face was beet red and he went so far as to wave both his hands in the air and scream incoherently during a close-up shot of him. That’s an obvious no-no for any celebrity attending a WWF event. They'll milk you to no end.
But he wasn’t just drunk. He was like 80 Miller Lites on a cross-country flight drunk, of which he would know a little something about (Fact: Boggs currently has ‘Chuck Norris/Bill Brasky status on cross-country flight drinking stories).
2. He was wearing his Yankees World Series ring; what a complete fraud.
3. He was with some buxom blonde: Now I know everyone is making a big deal about this A-Rod affair, but Wade Boggs invented this type of stuff. He has to be given some credit in the annals of this type of activity. Ask any Red Sox fan over the age of 30 about “The Margo Fiasco” and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Q: Given A-Rod’s recent infatuation with muscular women, am I the only one that would enjoy watching a five-way involving him, Chyna, Suzyn Waldman, Clemens and Nicole Bass?
Don’t tell me you didn’t think about it! C’mon!
-Sean, Bridgeport, CT
SG2.0: Yup, these were his readers.
To get in on the mailbag or to ask SG2.0 at question: Sportsguy2.0@hotmail.com
By SG2.0
Thanks to all for the overwhelming mailbag responses these past couple days. With so many questions I had to actually “extend the bag” a couple more days.
I would also like to declare that I am once again answering Celtics-related questions. After approximately 11 days of Lohan-like therapy, we’re prepared to move forward here…at least until the first relapse which I predict will occur
this Saturday when ESPN Classic shows old Celtics clips during its annual NBA Finals marathon.
Until then, let’s see if I can remain sober enough to answer some mail:
Q: As a self-proclaimed band wagon jumper in regards to TV shows, where does “The Sopranos” rank in the all-time annals? After this past Sunday, and with so many unanswered questions heading into the series finale, I’m ready to coronate it.
- Jon, Newburyport, MA
SG2.0: I jumped on the Sopranos wagon WAY too late to call myself a die hard fan. But after watching the ENTIRE series in the past two years via DVD, I am willing to say that I have never felt this way about a TV show before.
In fact, at this point, it is no longer a TV show. It is the greatest movie ever, drawn out over nearly a decade (although the series would sporatically take a year and a half hiatus to piss off viewers/make them crave more, and it worked to perfection).
If you asked me that loaded question a year ago, I would automatically say “Seinfeld” because I am nothing more than a pop culture puppet that is trained to say that. That and “Seinfeld” was friggin' awesome.
Being 25 years old, I am too young to remember M*A*S*H* (although judging by re-runs it seems pretty boring) and I can’t remember too many hit shows in the ‘80s, like Cheers (At the time I had a strange infatuation with the show “Newhart”).
But leaving Larry, Daryl and his other brother Daryl out of this, here is my Top 10 TV Show list, based on what I remember and/or what I wish I could remember:
1. The Sopranos
2. Seinfeld
3. The Rick Pitino Show w/ Bob Lobel
4. WWF Monday Night Raw
5. Saturday Night Live
6. Double Dare w/ host Marc Summers
7. Singled Out w/ Jenny McCarthy and Chris Hardwick
8. Thundercats
9. Family Guy
10. WCW Monday Nitro
Honorable mention: Pee Wee’s Playhouse, WWF Superstars, American Gladiators
Q: On Sunday night, what do you think the over/under was for sophomoric jokes made across the United States regarding the ESPN bottom line scroll that read, “Yankees GM Brian Cashman announces Roger Clemens (FATIGUED GROIN) out for Monday’s game at White Sox?”
- Scott, Carlsbad, CA
SG2.0: I’ll go with an over/under of 1,283,394 and take the over. Apparently his weekend with Debbie went extremely well. Enough so that they are planning to add another “K” to the Clemens Klan in about nine months. If it’s a girl, I heard they’re thinking about going with the name “Kunt.”
Q: We spent the last 6 months thinking that the worse that we could do in the draft was get Durant. I personally think Oden is going to end up more of a Robert Parish type and less of a Tim Duncan. Although it’s a damn shame Oden won't get to wear #0 for the C's (no offense Waltah).
Anyways, I know it doesn't matter now for 99% of us, but if you have this year’s #1 overall, who do you take?
- Jay, Chapel Hill, NC
SG2.0: That’s been the great debate since December, but I think the answer is actually staring us in the face right now. Ironically, we just have to watch the NBA Finals to find out (No I did not get paid off by ABC to write the previous sentence).
Let’s just say, for argument sake, Oden will be the next Duncan. Now let’s say, Durant will be the next LeBron (LeBron’s obviously a better passer, but bear with me).
The old school scenario tells you that great big men ALWAYS win. Guys like Shaq and Duncan win championships.
Guys like Dirk and McGrady don’t.
Barring some miracle performance by LeBron (which at this point ISN’T out of the question), I think you ALWAYS take the big man.
Great big men only come around every 15 years. “The next Michael Jordans” of the world come around every 4-5 years and never truly live up to that champioinship stature.
Unless LeBron can prove me wrong in the next couple of weeks, I think you always take a “risk” with a dominant big man.
And I don’t think Robert Parish had Oden-like moves coming out of Centenary.
Go with Oden.
Q: Jack Kevorkian, the retired pathologist dubbed “Dr. Death,” after claiming he had participated in at least 130 assisted suicides, left prison after eight years Friday, still believing people have the right to die whenever they please.
After the Celtics lottery fiasco, I am sure he will be back in business in San Diego for number 131.
What can Danny Ainge possibly do to prevent the injection?
- Dennis, San Diego
SG2.0: Well considering I’ve had numerous suicide attempts already since the proceedings of 5/22/07, I’ll save Dr. Jack the trip.
I can do it myself, thank you very much.
Nothing that a flight of stairs and a coat-hanger can't cure (sorry, that line really only applies for abortions, but I absolutely LOVE to use it whenever remotely possible).
Anyways, I believe there are only two options right now for Senor Ainge.
Option 1: Give up the farm for either Kevin Garnett or Jermaine O’Neal and see what one of them could do next to Pierce. This isn’t a very good long-term investment, but at this point, I’m willing to give it a go for two or three years in a weak Eastern Conference.
A package of Theo Ratliff's contract, Wally Szczerbiak’s contract, Gerald Green, this year’s No. 5 pick and a future first rounder would be inticing for any team, mostly because of the expiring contracts and a chance to get out from under salary cap hell.
If they ask for Al Jefferson, however, hang up the phone.
Option 2: If you can’t get a blockbuster deal done while keeping Pierce and Jefferson, then I think it’s time to do the dirtiest of deeds.
That would be trading Mr. Pierce.
As great as he has been for the Celtics, keeping him around even longer in this rebuilding atmosphere would guarantee the Celtics to be stuck in mediocrity (once again) for the next two to three years.
This is an extremely deep draft and if you could move Pierce, you could ultimately get several, very good young players in return.
Pair a bunch of talented guys from this draft next to Big Al and Rondo and that’s a group you can grow with.
Having said that, I really and truly hope they can somehow pull off Option #1. Option #2 would put them right back in the lottery for the next few years, and by now we all know how well that slime fest in Secaucus goes for the C’s.
David Stern would give us a non-stop supply of No. 5 and No. 6 overall picks and we would quickly become the Atlanta Hawks (not that we're much worse at this point) ... on second thought, what’s Dr. Jack’s number again?
Q: What is the Great Khali made of?
- Chris, Storrs, CT
SG2.0: Spit, bad vocal chords, backne (back acne) and women’s underwear.
Q: With Bob Barker ready to call it a career, who is your choice to replace the legend?
- Gary, Albany, NY
SG2.0: If they even THINK about giving this gig to Rosie for .2 seconds I will personally dig up the corpse of Rod Roddy and turn him like a rotisserie chicken in front of a large audience of people, just to show everyone that he is, indeed, turning in his grave.
I mean, to have Rosie O'Donnell replace Bob Barker would be the biggest tradgedy in television, if not American, history.
I like my Price Is Right hosts tan, old, having a fabulous golf game, having a voice you could melt butter with and willing to have sex with any woman, at any time.
Rosie doesn’t fit any of those requirements … other than the last one, of course.
In summary, my personal nominees for the position would have to be Michael Buffer, Rob Lowe and Hasselhoff sans hamburger, in no particular order.
Q: Did you happen to see Wade Boggs on Monday Night Raw this past Monday? What the hell was that?
- Ben, Tampa, FL
SG2.0: Not only did I see him (he was wearing a bright orange, Hawaiian shirt), but I noticed three remarkable things:
1. He was absolutely drunk off his ass. His face was beet red and he went so far as to wave both his hands in the air and scream incoherently during a close-up shot of him. That’s an obvious no-no for any celebrity attending a WWF event. They'll milk you to no end.
But he wasn’t just drunk. He was like 80 Miller Lites on a cross-country flight drunk, of which he would know a little something about (Fact: Boggs currently has ‘Chuck Norris/Bill Brasky status on cross-country flight drinking stories).
2. He was wearing his Yankees World Series ring; what a complete fraud.
3. He was with some buxom blonde: Now I know everyone is making a big deal about this A-Rod affair, but Wade Boggs invented this type of stuff. He has to be given some credit in the annals of this type of activity. Ask any Red Sox fan over the age of 30 about “The Margo Fiasco” and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Q: Given A-Rod’s recent infatuation with muscular women, am I the only one that would enjoy watching a five-way involving him, Chyna, Suzyn Waldman, Clemens and Nicole Bass?
Don’t tell me you didn’t think about it! C’mon!
-Sean, Bridgeport, CT
SG2.0: Yup, these were his readers.
To get in on the mailbag or to ask SG2.0 at question: Sportsguy2.0@hotmail.com
