Tuesday, May 01, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS: FROM THE VAULT
Strikes Back
By SG2.0
An all-out insane weekend in the world of sports. With George Steinbrenner taking one giant step closer to the grave, with an increasingly annoying Don Mattingly looking as though he will assume the Yankee controls from Joe Torre, with the Golden State Warriors inexplicably shifting into 1994 Run TMC mode, with the defending champion Heat looking older than the left side of Dick Clark’s face and last but not least, the Patriots becoming more ghetto than Suge Knight and Lil’ John combined within a span of 24 hours, I’m not really sure where to begin.
To solve the problem I’m going to break out one of my old classics and let “Random Thoughts: From the Vault” handle things. Enjoy:
- Speaking of Joe Torre, I swear on the grave of Sandra Bernhart’s career that Joe is somehow related to Johnny Sak from the Soprano’s. And isn’t it quite eerie that the Yankees recent slide began, almost to the day, of Johnny Sak’s death?
“New York” will never be the same in both instances.
- I would not want to be the person to follow Colter Bean into the bathroom after he had done his business. I mean the guy has the body of a young Goldust…and yes, that’s an insult to Goldust.
With that said, I’d like to see him coming out of the Yankees bullpen A LOT more in the coming months.
- Without question my favorite non-Patriots Randy Moss moment (I truly can’t wait for his first few encounters with the Boston media, particularly a weekly segment on the Dennis & Callahan Show) came after the Green Bay incident when he said next time he does something vulgar on the field he’d “shake his (insert slang for penis)” instead of his ass.
- I’d be interested to see what Joe Buck would say following something like that and/or if he’d instantaneously make Tim McCarver look hip by comparison?
- Never have I adored a woman more than Viki Vale in the first Batman movie. I am still convinced that she and Jessica Rabbit ultimately put me through puberty. However all feelings I once had for Ms. Kim Basinger have now vanished after the way she blackmailed Baldwin. What a witch.
- Today, May 1st marks three weeks until Judgment Day. Might as well buy some diapers in advance because there’s about a 100 in 100 chance that I will pull a “Vito’s son” that day in the shower.
- With the acquisition of Randy Moss, I’d like to declare that I am no longer a fan of Joe Buck or anything he has ever accomplished in his entire life. Thank you.
- Attention Mr. Reche Caldwell. You may now return to your previous job of being a stunt double for “X the Owl” in the Land of Make Believe.
- Took in my first Padres game at historic Petco Park over the weekend. With the Pads playing their “rivals,” the Dodgers, the ballpark goons blasted the old Celtics chant, “Beat L.A.” on the scoreboard every other at-bat. I certainly got giddy when I first heard it, as that is, without question, my favorite chant of all-time. On the other hand, the only people that were chanting those wonderful words, that truly possess so much meaning, were six-year-old kids that were more interested in their Brian Giles bobblehead than in actually “Beating L.A.”
- ">One of the finest profanity laced tirades of all-time: Brian Pillman made people BELIEVE this storyline was real.
- Alert: TNT’s spectacular coverage of the NBA playoffs is dangerously close to reaching NBC level. With a Pistons-Bulls series looming and Marv in the booth, I’m starting to get a bit nostalgic. If only we can convince Dick Ebersol to hand over the rights to the greatest sports theme song of all-time, then we’ll truly be in business.
Am I the only one that tears up when hearing “The Mountie’s” first theme song? Wait. Don’t answer that.
How is it that the two most prominent analysts in baseball, Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan, are able to articulate their “knowledge” about the game of baseball about as well as Stephen Hawking recently “talked” about putting people on Pluto?
It’s getting to the point now that Donald Trump has to precede every sentence he says with “Rosie,” and quite frankly, I couldn’t be happier about the whole thing.
For instance, “Rosie is fat" or "Rosie is a loser" or "Rosie is a lesbian" or "Rosie, yes I’d like a cup of coffee" or "Rosie, I’m naming this building 'Rosie' because it’s gonna be UUUUUUUUUGE!”
Hey, these things happen. It’s much like when Hulk Hogan would have to precede everything with “Brother” or when Ed McMahon would have to precede everything with “YES!”
Finally, given my past history of awkward conversations with professional athletes and/or celebrities, I would like to announce that I will be attending an awkward smorgasbord in a couple weeks when I attend the NFL Rookie Photo Shoot for work.
If there are any questions you would like me to awkwardly ask anyone that was drafted in the first or second round of the draft this past weekend let me know.
I’m already gearing up for an extremely awkward conversation with Pats rookie safety Brandon Merriweather, when I find out whether it’s better to use a “soccer style” kick to someone’s face/body or to just flat out cleat their ass.
With that said, send your NFL Rookie questions to:
SportsGuy2.0@hotmail.com
And we’ll be sure to pass them along.
Until next time; stay sleazy.
Strikes Back
By SG2.0
An all-out insane weekend in the world of sports. With George Steinbrenner taking one giant step closer to the grave, with an increasingly annoying Don Mattingly looking as though he will assume the Yankee controls from Joe Torre, with the Golden State Warriors inexplicably shifting into 1994 Run TMC mode, with the defending champion Heat looking older than the left side of Dick Clark’s face and last but not least, the Patriots becoming more ghetto than Suge Knight and Lil’ John combined within a span of 24 hours, I’m not really sure where to begin.
To solve the problem I’m going to break out one of my old classics and let “Random Thoughts: From the Vault” handle things. Enjoy:
- Speaking of Joe Torre, I swear on the grave of Sandra Bernhart’s career that Joe is somehow related to Johnny Sak from the Soprano’s. And isn’t it quite eerie that the Yankees recent slide began, almost to the day, of Johnny Sak’s death?
“New York” will never be the same in both instances.
- I would not want to be the person to follow Colter Bean into the bathroom after he had done his business. I mean the guy has the body of a young Goldust…and yes, that’s an insult to Goldust.
With that said, I’d like to see him coming out of the Yankees bullpen A LOT more in the coming months.
- Without question my favorite non-Patriots Randy Moss moment (I truly can’t wait for his first few encounters with the Boston media, particularly a weekly segment on the Dennis & Callahan Show) came after the Green Bay incident when he said next time he does something vulgar on the field he’d “shake his (insert slang for penis)” instead of his ass.
- I’d be interested to see what Joe Buck would say following something like that and/or if he’d instantaneously make Tim McCarver look hip by comparison?
- Never have I adored a woman more than Viki Vale in the first Batman movie. I am still convinced that she and Jessica Rabbit ultimately put me through puberty. However all feelings I once had for Ms. Kim Basinger have now vanished after the way she blackmailed Baldwin. What a witch.
- Today, May 1st marks three weeks until Judgment Day. Might as well buy some diapers in advance because there’s about a 100 in 100 chance that I will pull a “Vito’s son” that day in the shower.
- With the acquisition of Randy Moss, I’d like to declare that I am no longer a fan of Joe Buck or anything he has ever accomplished in his entire life. Thank you.
- Attention Mr. Reche Caldwell. You may now return to your previous job of being a stunt double for “X the Owl” in the Land of Make Believe.
- Took in my first Padres game at historic Petco Park over the weekend. With the Pads playing their “rivals,” the Dodgers, the ballpark goons blasted the old Celtics chant, “Beat L.A.” on the scoreboard every other at-bat. I certainly got giddy when I first heard it, as that is, without question, my favorite chant of all-time. On the other hand, the only people that were chanting those wonderful words, that truly possess so much meaning, were six-year-old kids that were more interested in their Brian Giles bobblehead than in actually “Beating L.A.”
- ">One of the finest profanity laced tirades of all-time: Brian Pillman made people BELIEVE this storyline was real.
- Alert: TNT’s spectacular coverage of the NBA playoffs is dangerously close to reaching NBC level. With a Pistons-Bulls series looming and Marv in the booth, I’m starting to get a bit nostalgic. If only we can convince Dick Ebersol to hand over the rights to the greatest sports theme song of all-time, then we’ll truly be in business.
Am I the only one that tears up when hearing “The Mountie’s” first theme song? Wait. Don’t answer that.
How is it that the two most prominent analysts in baseball, Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan, are able to articulate their “knowledge” about the game of baseball about as well as Stephen Hawking recently “talked” about putting people on Pluto?
It’s getting to the point now that Donald Trump has to precede every sentence he says with “Rosie,” and quite frankly, I couldn’t be happier about the whole thing.
For instance, “Rosie is fat" or "Rosie is a loser" or "Rosie is a lesbian" or "Rosie, yes I’d like a cup of coffee" or "Rosie, I’m naming this building 'Rosie' because it’s gonna be UUUUUUUUUGE!”
Hey, these things happen. It’s much like when Hulk Hogan would have to precede everything with “Brother” or when Ed McMahon would have to precede everything with “YES!”
Finally, given my past history of awkward conversations with professional athletes and/or celebrities, I would like to announce that I will be attending an awkward smorgasbord in a couple weeks when I attend the NFL Rookie Photo Shoot for work.
If there are any questions you would like me to awkwardly ask anyone that was drafted in the first or second round of the draft this past weekend let me know.
I’m already gearing up for an extremely awkward conversation with Pats rookie safety Brandon Merriweather, when I find out whether it’s better to use a “soccer style” kick to someone’s face/body or to just flat out cleat their ass.
With that said, send your NFL Rookie questions to:
SportsGuy2.0@hotmail.com
And we’ll be sure to pass them along.
Until next time; stay sleazy.
