Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Whispy mustache's and Pony Tails
By SG2.0
Anyone else notice the mind-blowing coincidence of Simmons railing on Oden...only for Oden to make Florida humble on college basketball's grandest stage?
And then how he performed verbal (the written equivalent of oral) on Joakim Noah...only for Noah to get abused down low by Oden on college basketball's grandest stage?
Now, I know he thinks he's an expert on the college game all of the sudden (after years of loathing it). And I do realize that Florida ultimately won the game (which is usually the end all and be all of how I judge players).
But after reading Simmons' Oden hate-fest that afternoon, I truly started to believe him that Oden really wasn't that great and that the Celtics should all but go to bed with Kevin Durant's mom (even though Danny Ainge may have already. In fact, being a mormon/BYU grad, you can bet that Papa Durant is double checking on that pre-nup as we speak. Don't put it past Danny to bag wife No. 4).
(Slowly segwaying away from Danny Ainge's sex life...And no, there is no need to mention Tree Rollins, Marv Albert, biting incidents or stained 1979 Toronto Blue Jays uniforms).
Monday night was Oden's coming out party and I enjoyed every second of it. With every touch of the ball, I got "that feeling" in my stomach.
It's the kind of thing where you forget about watching every other player on the court and just focus in. Your mind keeps screaming, "Throw it inside to Oden," or as I used to think "Save the last shot for Jordan."
Even if you don't like the player (I never loved Jordan, I just appreciated him immensely. Plus I was too young during Bird's glory years), you want them to have the ball. You get exited for when they're about to do basically anything.
I felt that same way when watching Durant earlier this year. But Monday night was different. Monday night was when Oden became a man in front of America (although he could have quite possibly become a man a good .34 seconds out of the womb).
On the other side of things was "a man" with a pony tail jumping up and down with his Swedish supermodel of a mom.
How something regarded as "so hot" could produce something "so hideous" is a different discussion for a different day. But, at the end of the day, Joakim Noah looked like a fool. It didn't really matter that he was the face (look away) of a team that just won back-to-back National Championships.
His antics at the end of the game were both frightening and more importantly, awkward. In fact, for once, I felt like Billy Packer. You know, an old, liver-spotted man who always tells the kids to "keep the noise down."
Uncomfortable times for all involved.
But after I took my "Joakim shower" (the equivalent of a rape shower only it occurs after viewing Noah on a TV screen for .2 seconds), everything was right with the world.
I'm now 100% sure Oden will be great. I was already 100% sure Durant will be great.
There's currently a 38.9% chance the Celtics will once again be great.
May 22 is right around the corner...I never thought preparing myself for a Grade A heart attack would be so much fun.
E-Mail: SG2.0@hotmail.com if you feel the need to trash him for any reason what-so-ever. It's also a good avenue to get your question answered in the next SG2.0 mailbag!
By SG2.0
Anyone else notice the mind-blowing coincidence of Simmons railing on Oden...only for Oden to make Florida humble on college basketball's grandest stage?
And then how he performed verbal (the written equivalent of oral) on Joakim Noah...only for Noah to get abused down low by Oden on college basketball's grandest stage?
Now, I know he thinks he's an expert on the college game all of the sudden (after years of loathing it). And I do realize that Florida ultimately won the game (which is usually the end all and be all of how I judge players).
But after reading Simmons' Oden hate-fest that afternoon, I truly started to believe him that Oden really wasn't that great and that the Celtics should all but go to bed with Kevin Durant's mom (even though Danny Ainge may have already. In fact, being a mormon/BYU grad, you can bet that Papa Durant is double checking on that pre-nup as we speak. Don't put it past Danny to bag wife No. 4).
(Slowly segwaying away from Danny Ainge's sex life...And no, there is no need to mention Tree Rollins, Marv Albert, biting incidents or stained 1979 Toronto Blue Jays uniforms).
Monday night was Oden's coming out party and I enjoyed every second of it. With every touch of the ball, I got "that feeling" in my stomach.
It's the kind of thing where you forget about watching every other player on the court and just focus in. Your mind keeps screaming, "Throw it inside to Oden," or as I used to think "Save the last shot for Jordan."
Even if you don't like the player (I never loved Jordan, I just appreciated him immensely. Plus I was too young during Bird's glory years), you want them to have the ball. You get exited for when they're about to do basically anything.
I felt that same way when watching Durant earlier this year. But Monday night was different. Monday night was when Oden became a man in front of America (although he could have quite possibly become a man a good .34 seconds out of the womb).
On the other side of things was "a man" with a pony tail jumping up and down with his Swedish supermodel of a mom.
How something regarded as "so hot" could produce something "so hideous" is a different discussion for a different day. But, at the end of the day, Joakim Noah looked like a fool. It didn't really matter that he was the face (look away) of a team that just won back-to-back National Championships.
His antics at the end of the game were both frightening and more importantly, awkward. In fact, for once, I felt like Billy Packer. You know, an old, liver-spotted man who always tells the kids to "keep the noise down."
Uncomfortable times for all involved.
But after I took my "Joakim shower" (the equivalent of a rape shower only it occurs after viewing Noah on a TV screen for .2 seconds), everything was right with the world.
I'm now 100% sure Oden will be great. I was already 100% sure Durant will be great.
There's currently a 38.9% chance the Celtics will once again be great.
May 22 is right around the corner...I never thought preparing myself for a Grade A heart attack would be so much fun.
E-Mail: SG2.0@hotmail.com if you feel the need to trash him for any reason what-so-ever. It's also a good avenue to get your question answered in the next SG2.0 mailbag!
